1258 C'est la vie?

Figuring out what life is for? It's been the undone main quest that has been stucked in the list for years. It's... go over again and over again to material to achieve things, to Love, to live, they need material.
It's not weird if my friend is got broken(?) in her attempt to survive, she would do many things that I'd say, morally wrong. Now she's numbing for many matters, all she got in her head is to survive the college, and if she thinks college is all she have to get through, then she gonna hit another brick, and if she deploy the same method that she think it's work best... Then there she goes, drown into her own light.
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She's doing what's necessary afterall, for some people, most of people, what she's done is fair, they proved it, and they triumphed and "success". But I beg to differ, and here I am, sitting by my desk figuring out life, and "unsuccessful" because I failed to establish the same protocol they do to survive, they call me broken, broken human that deserve nothing, but pity.

0800 The Lightbringer

I cast the Name in my Head,
thumping the very Heart,
it was not sick,
it was not in Love,
it was fine;
There... the appearance,
skip a beat my heart is,
it was not sick,
it was not in love,
it was fine;
Ooo... Revenant of the Name,
drown me in your light,
she gone,
my body crumbles,
it was not sick,
it was not in Love,
it was fine,
but me.

1814 The Man Who Waits

It was 10 years ago, I found something that gonna change my life forever. It is luck that found us each other, in the world where everything is nothing the chance I found It or It being found by other is beyond tiny. It was lying in a life pod, asleep, before I knock the glass and awake, the first thing It do is smiling and waving It's hand, my heart skip a beat.
Venus is It name, written on It's necklage, It told the name to me too. Since that day, It and me live togethere, we're like a double edge sword, I'm sharp on one side while It sharp on the other side. Everything was awesome, until today... This day...
It suddenly said if soon It gotta go, going back to It's home planet, the life pod works like a beacon also a messanger, in 1 week It escort team will arrive. I don't want It to go, in the last 2 years something growing inside me, a feeling towards It.

The day comes, a transport ship comming, taking It. It promise to come back again soon, after everything is setteled there. "Please wait for me!" It said. And It gone...

The first week is hellish, I missed It so bad, I only sitting on the rock where It go. The next day hunger slap me, just because I gotta wait for It, doesn't mean I wait and stay still, so my life is go on...

I found a research facility, and learn how to farm, and also find a herd of cow in there. I come to that place everyday, to learn a lot of thing, to channel my mind from the agony of waiting, but I never forget It. I play my guitar every afternoon, and broadcast it through the radio wave, hoping that I can reach It. I found the feeling that grow inside me is Love, and I keep telling Her if I Love her in my song, how much I missed her, how much I want to running around together, how much I want to hug Her tight and never let Her go again, everyday is a new piece, now, I'm in the 1800th piece.

Another day breaks, the sun cover my face with it's warm energizing ray, when I'm about to sit down from my sleep I can't, something tangling on my body. It's an arm, holding me so tight, it's an arm that I would never forget. Then I turn my body over, to find It... Her... Beside me... Not changing much, but she got scar on her left eye... "Good Morning!" She said with her bright smile... My heart skip a beat...

0939 The Omega and Alpha

Morale: Change cannot be forced

Background : ?XXX? Years after an alien Invasion

Character: Alpha The last human(?) on earth...

Finally, this cryo-Pod is opening, it's been... euh... I don't know how to say it, but it's more than zillion days ago they put me in this Cryo-Pod. "Earth belong to the Human" she said. Well, it was, until an alien race with a mouthfull to fed coming here. They're coming flying like a black locust, and eat anything on their way and leave, that's what the marshall of Mars Colony said, followed by chomp...nom... nom... nom...
Enough with the past, I hope they're right about they eat and leave, if not, I'm fucked! First thing first, I gotta open the "Genesis Vault", that's what the instruction book said, followed by "Create Life!" ended by "Good Luck!". Yeah, Luck is the best thing ever you can have, but so what!

The Vault containing 4 giant bubble gum ball vending machine like, each filled with a palm sized ball with different color & label. Blue for water, Brown for Earth, Green for Air, and Red for Fire. And one gigantic billboard says "COMBINE!!!"
Like it said, I take the fire and earth ball, and I combine them in my palm, resulting a new ball tagged "Lava", then water and fire resulting Alcohol, air and water resulting steam, air and earth resulting dust, earth and water resulting swamp, air and fire resulting ENERGY!!! and on, and on, and on...
Now I'm outside of the Facility, only to see a barren painted in grey, ruble and ashes, dried river, not even a single skeleton exist, the sky look pale, not sure if it's day or night. Just in a slight second I understand my quest, "Genesis"
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Then he start terraforming, found out the sun is weakening, he made his own sun by combining Chariot and Sky. Then he found the secret of life by combining Swamp and Energy, yea, sometimes the result is hard to understand...
then come the life form, bacteria, plankton, algae, fish, bird, dinosaur, and on and on, and finally... Human... I found Man by Combining Beast with Life, while Woman from Diamond abd Flower, again, the outcome I never thought of.
Then they start their own society, I live among them, teach them using the "Genesis Ball", they create tools abd houses, I pleased very much. Until a Man find weaponary, and kill another man, the weaponary recipe spread, and war wages. Just in a blink of an eye, the world I just created gone, my zillion years of work, reseted back to what it was left by the friggin alien!!! I am devastated, questioned, why??? why is this happening??? It said Genesis, it should be like the society I had, stable... In my deep mourn, the god slap me in the face and said "Let them grow on their own, the secret of Genesis is way too powerful a newly built society, let them learn, you just sit and watch..."

2233 The Life of Post Apocalyptic Death

Morale: Do What You Love, Not Love what you do!

Background: 35 Years after the Mass Nuke Launch

Plot:
35 Years ago, is the bussiest time for the Death, billions of life gone in a blink of eye, when the evil plot to launch the whole Nuclear Warhead ever exist is succeeded.
several human lucky enough to survive the day, by several I mean just a man and a woman. They were putting supplies in their zombie apocalypse shelter, but turn out having nuke apocalypse instead. They have 100 years worth of food, water, cloth, and medicine supply.
At the 10 A.N.(after nuked), a baby girl born. But the mom died at the 5th month after she give birth. the father died at the year of 25 A.N. Only leave one more soul to reap.
Eva, the last living thing on earth. This is gonna be the last task for the Death, but he never know what to do after everything is gone. So he take his time watching this girl, just to realize if he is falling in love with her...

0203 Mom?

Honesty, I forgot how my Mom voice right now after seperated for 3+ months, but I'd know it if she's knocking the door and say "Bim, please open the door!". But then I doubt it myself if that's my Mom's voice, because I just talked to her earlier this evening in the Facebook, and the location said Gwangju-si, South Korea...

"Bang... Bang... Bang..." "Bim please open the door!" she's still banging outside right now... Should I open it?

0841 Small Thing That Make You Special

What makes you feel special? Winning Olympic? Graduated? Become Employee of the Month? Yes it does, ya? But there are also a tiny miny bitsy thing that can make you feel special... It's when your Crush say "Good Morning!" first...

It's the best thing you can have to start a morning!!! WHAT A BLAST!!! Woo hoooooooo... yeah!!!

2157 This Is Not Patrick!

"Spongbob kepada Patrick... Spongebob kepada Patrick... Ganti..." So she want me to be the Patrick, but way to bad dear, I'm not Patrick Star, I'm Squidward. Actually it's an awesome compliment, people loves Patrick, he's dumb ass, and funny as hell! In shorter word, he is a FUN person... But i'm not...

Well congratulations! You just being fed by your own expectation of fun and succumb in it, but then you don't find it... Sigh, I bet you're talking to the real Patrick, I'm out!!! Deep sigh...

1806 Let's go for a Journey!

I lost the reason of my existence, many years ago, but then I found it when I had this Devil as my girlfriend, then I lost it again, we broke up many years ago so.. SKIP!

Life is a quest, yea people often stood on that, so they have targets to achieve, studying, working, earning money, get married, fucking, have kids, or just fucking... Our for some they have a quest to be the best at something, sports, science, politics, or blah blah blah...

But for me, none of them appealing, though I'm still thinking about getting married to a lady I love, but hey! People story tells it's overrated... Sigh...

it doesn't mean nothing is appealing for me... Being a hero, an exalted hero is a life I want to be. To be able help people, and carve smile to their face. So say it again, I need the money to save the day? basically yes! But I'd like to say no! Gee, Between all the random skill I have, collecting money(in orthodox way) is the last thing I found it appealing! Sigh...

I had enough with this life I had, I'm thinking to go on a journey, going somewhere random, being lead by the wind, just my backpack and me, writing journal and stuff.

I just... Want to be something, or nothing at all, I'm a broken being in this universe and timeline, I just want to walk... Listening to music and writing...

1311 The Imaginary Multiverse

Gaming is my...
... Portal to enggage a life that I would never have, or I might have someday.

Like some said, our life is a game too, major game with a lot of instances and superb graphic, but the game play is sucks as hell. Well, what do you expect? Firing plasma bolt from your hand? Access to gun store without questions or form to fill? or save-load feature?

So the Video Game, good lord, the Game Developer team are god and goddess. I always take the fun to the fullest by enggaged to the game 100%, the thrill, the tension, stress handling, the romances, or the conflict handling, also the loss... I feel more alive the more I enggaged to it, I often mimickring the character, how I walk, move, or talks. Too bad... every video game always have a short end :(

2126 You... Kevin...

Oh... That face of you while talking to this Guy... That smile... I know the face of someone falling in Love... I know it so well that I even able to smell it.

Dear lord... I reek of jealousy...

0911 A.M. This Heart is killing me!

Pagi lainnya yg saya bangun pake batuk2... Lebih dulu daripada alarm Eminem the Rap God atau Nacchan the Venusian... Kali ini dapet bonus sih, rasa linu di dada sebelah kiri, nyut... nyut... jes gitu... tembus sampe belikat. Well, I know my body well, this is heart problem. I always trying to maintain my health well, I sleep before midninght and eat healthy.  But I know, these several days I got overworked and stuff, but hey body how can you giving up just from this kind of routine???
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I never scared of death, if I got to go, then I'll just go, but... I don't want a ridiculous death, at least I want a death on the football field, yes, it gotta be glorious!
I might gonna meet You this weekend Death...

Ironic, my football team have Death logo in it...

Sins... anyone???

I think that the 7 sins concept is way simpler to understand and established in our lives...
1. Lust
2. Greed
3. Sloth
4. Gluttony
5. Envy
6. Pride
7. Wrath

It's like these 7 sins is the root of all evil, don't you agree???

Now here we go... We got a far more specific sinful attempt... in 70!!! Some of them isn't practical to our lives, I mean... most of them... That's why it's hard being a Muslim in this freaking "Modern World"

01. Associating anything with Allah
02. Murder
03. Practising magic
04. Not Praying
05. Not paying Zakat
06. Not fasting on a Day of Ramadan without excuse
07. Not performing Hajj, while being able to do so
08. Disrespect to parents
09. Abandoning relatives
10. Fornication and Adultery
11. Homosexuality(sodomy)
12. Interest(Riba)
13. Wrongfully consuming the property of an orphan
14. Lying about Allah and His Messenger
15. Running away from the battlefield
16. A leader's deceiving his people and being unjust to them
17. Pride and arrogance
18. Bearing false witness
19. Drinking Khamr (wine)
20. Gambling
21. Slandering chaste women
22. Stealing from the spoils of war
23. Stealing
24. Highway Robbery
25. Taking false oath
26. Oppression
27. Illegal gain
28. Consuming wealth acquired unlawfully
29. Committing suicide
30. Frequent lying
31. Judging unjustly
32. Giving and Accepting bribes
33. Woman's imitating man and man's imitating woman
34. Being cuckold
35. Marrying a divorced woman in order to make her lawful for the husband
36. Not protecting oneself from urine
37. Showing-off
38. Learning knowledge of the religion for the sake of this world and concealing that knowledge
39. Bertrayal of trust
40. Recounting favours
41. Denying Allah's Decree
42. Listening (to) people's private conversations
43. Carrying tales
44. Cursing
45. Breaking contracts
46. Believing in fortune-tellers and astrologers
47. A woman's bad conduct towards her husband
48. Making statues and pictures
49. Lamenting, wailing, tearing the clothing, and doing other things of this sort when an affliction befalls
50. Treating others unjustly
51. Overbearing conduct toward the wife, the servant, the weak, and animals
52. Offending one's neighbour
53. Offending and abusing Muslims
54. Offending people and having an arrogant attitude toward them
55. Trailing one's garment in pride
56. Men's wearing silk and gold
57. A slave's running away from his master
58. Slaughtering an animal which has been dedicated to anyone other than Allah
59. To knowingly ascribe one's paternity to a father other than one's own
60. Arguing and disputing violently
61. Witholding excess water
62. Giving short weight or measure
63. Feeling secure from Allah's Plan
64. Offending Allah's righteous friends
65. Not praying in congregation but praying alone without an excuse
66. Persistently missing Friday Prayers without any excuse
67. Unsurping the rights of the heir through bequests
68. Deceiving and plotting evil
69. Spying for the enemy of the Muslims
70. Cursing or insulting any of the Companiions of Allah's Messenger

Don't turn Gay Bim!

I was thinking that, is there no movie or anything without any cuties(I mean, cute girl/lady/woman/female) in it? Like Movies, 9gag posts, or even stupid flash games??? It's like they're everywhere, infatuate me, then break it away, leave me with nothing but hope...
Here we go again, the state I'm having(Suffering?), the feeling of being denied... Again... by this N... Well, thanks to my stupidity for keeping the imagination, the illusion if she's still want me. THANKS BRAIN! FUCK YOU!
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So, the state is like, "Oh... a pretty lady!" Then suddenly a *Thump* coming, realizing I can only see and can't "touch" it, and be like "Fuck this shit, why are you should showing up anyway!? What the fuck do you want? Playing around with me!? Go play with your own fucking boobs!!!".
This funny shit making me feel uncomfortable with the female presence, whether in direct approach or indirect approach like this. Funny huh? Well, IF! I hate female is that makes I like male the way I liked female??? NO, OF COURSE NO!!! HELL NO!!!
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I hope I can get back to Nacchan again, and help me with this feeling, though I feel not right, she have his own "toy" to play around, and I'm just her boss(kind of). Or, I just left it rotting inside for a while, hoping it will magically disappear like it always do, alas it gonna need therapy, spending time and money... fuk!
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And I'd be like... WHO THE FUCK CARE WITH THIS!? WHO!? IDGAS!!! I just feel like want to write it anyway... Rubbish need to be put away in the correct place, right?

*Throw